What Am I?

I have often found it curious that more often than not, when a person is asked what they do for a living they respond by saying, "I am a..." You fill in the blank--I am a doctor, I am a lawyer, I am an accountant, whatever the case may be.

Having left my teaching job, I am now in search of new work and I find myself pondering this phrasing again. The thing is...I don't know what I am. And maybe this is the root of why I feel so helpless and worthless in this job search. I am nothing. While others could say "I am a pilot" or "I am a beautician," I was never able to say "I am a teacher" without feeling like I was twisting the truth. It always felt more accurate for my response to be "I teach." You may think this is a word game, pure semantics. But I think it gets to the heart of my dilemma.

I haven't found what I truly want to do, a passion or a calling that speaks of who I am. Though I may end up back in a classroom, I don't think I really want to teach because I don't feel like I am a teacher. There are lots of jobs I could be doing, but they don't feel right because that's not what I am. Maybe I am expecting too much to find a job like that. I am more than content to work to live rather than to live to work. But after so many mornings of waking up, dreading the day before me, I don't think it's too much to want a job I enjoy. A job that is fulfilling and does not fill me with angst and negativity.

The trick is to be able to find it before I truly run out of money...and time is of the essence.