Jack of all trades, master of none

For as long as I can remember, I have felt sad at the thought that I have no demonstrable talent.

I find that I can do many things, but there is no one thing that I can do well.

I like music but I have no musical skills, vocally or otherwise. I took a couple guitar lessons, I tried to teach myself to play the piano. But I just stopped. I wanted to know how to play more than I wanted to learn how to play.

I love art and I am artistically inclined. Ever since I was little I've had an artistic eye and I've truly enjoyed assorted art forms-- drawing, painting, photography. And I was good at it. My mother said I should drawing lessons. My response was, "But I already know how to draw." I was too young to understand that I could learn and grow and improve, and she didn't take the time to explain that to me. In high school I got really involved with photography. I considered pursuing photography as my focus in college. But I didn't. The school I went to didn't even have photography classes but a 3 week interim course similar to the basic work I'd done in high school.

I am deeply envious of those who can dance but I am always shy to dance myself. I am told I was given the option to take dance lessons, which I really don't believe it true because I can't remember a time that I didn't yearn to be able to dance and so I can't imagine that I would have turned down that offer.

I am athletic and played all kinds of sports. Swimming, gymnastics, soccer, softball, volleyball, track, cross country, crew... I was good at them at all, but I never carried through any of them to become great.

As I think about all these things it strikes me that I could have developed many of these talents, but I was always afraid. I was afraid to make a public stance that I was interested in something, because I was scared of what others would think. I was scared to make a run at so many dreams because I was scared that I wouldn't succeed, that I wouldn't be good enough. I wanted things to be easy, to just come to me. I thought that if I was really good at something, that if I had a talent, that it would just exist without effort.

For so long I have been subject to my ego at the expense of my spirit...'bout time I make a change, no?