May Day

On May 1 2009, in the violets of Tennessee I told Eric I loved him...and he loved me, too. A year has gone by and much has occurred, and through it all he has been everything I've ever wanted. Yesterday was a year since our time down South, and it was a truly gnarly day for me. I'm due to be getting my period in a couple days so as per usual the week preceding I am emotionally and physically off. I hit Corrina's hot yoga class before the Pranayama workshop which was scheduled to keep us indoors for the majority of a beautiful spring day. The class was incredibly hot and a combination of being exhausted and hormonally unbalanced made my practice a real struggle. I was relieved to make it through practice, but bummed to be facing nearly 4 hours of indoor lecture while it was so nice outside. My solace was the anticipation of the hike Eric and I would go on after the workshop was over.

Things got progressively more disturbing as I learned that half of the workshop was actually going to be asana, the idea of which made my body and mind wilt beyond the point of despair I was already coping with. I cried through much of the practice and came out feeling void of most all feeling and emotion to find a smiling Eric in the studio lobby. He took one look at me and his spirits dropped.

I wanted so badly on a special day to be chipper for him, so with a little effort and the help of delicious food to help nourish my system I started to recoup. I didn't know where we were going to hike, though I suspected we were heading for Bear Mountain, up on the CT-MA line. By the time we arrived I was feeling much better and still looking forward to walking in the woods. It only took moments of being there to be fully engulfed by gnats which stuck with us 90% of the hike up, with only short reprieve from cool breeze. Though the bugs added another degree of frustration to an already trying day, I was happy to be out in the woods with Eric with no real destination or pressure. And I very much knew something was up though I didn't want to set any expectations. I still have a hard time subscribing to the idea of my intuition, I feel more like I'm observant and very cognitive. Whatever the source may be, I knew something was in store and though I felt nervous and anxious, I was curious to see what it may be.

We arrived at the Riga trail sign and though we didn't intend on summiting Bear Mtn., we headed off northward, now on the AT. It had to be the AT... We'd gone a bit when Eric said he had to go to the bathroom and off he walked into the woods. I walked back a little bit to stand in a clearing and clear my head for what I anticipated may be coming. In a little bit I was beckoned off trail to come see something Eric would like to show me. I'd love to say that my scanning eyes didn't notice the little box in the leaf-litter. But what he wanted to show me was a small frame with a red glass panel hanging from a tree. As I looked at it I saw two small dehydrated, sun-washed plants pressed between the panes of glass. I thought they were four leaf clovers. But they were the two violets I had in my hair that day a year ago in Tennessee when we said we loved each other. He'd saved them, pressed in a book, to give to me a year later. And as I took the frame off the tree it was then that I noticed the fishing line that was tied to the little box below on the ground.

One year, eight months, and three days before and four hundred sixty four miles North of there, we met and we would change each others lives forever.
One year before and eleven hundred miles South of there we said we loved each other.
He said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and asked me if I would marry him.

Inside the box was a beautiful round diamond in a tapered setting. I had always expected my Grandma Valvanis' pear shaped ring. But this is my Grandma Monti's stone in a setting Eric chose. He says he had a hard time deciding but what he ultimately found was that the round stone is balanced, and the setting is simple but detailed and flowing, and these things were symbolic of me for him. After sitting with my mother and brother and getting all kinds of information he had gotten details confused. The idea of the stone from my grandmother who lived in California resonated for him but he ultimately thought he was choosing the other one. Without knowing it he chose the ring from my California grandmother and the one that symbolically resonated for him.

I'm happy. I'm nervous and feeling anxiety and fear, but I'm happy. I, like most girls, have gone through life anticipating that at some point someone would ask me to marry them. For a year now, maybe even before that, I hoped it would be Eric. I'm working on processing the reality of that now. It's entirely surreal.